| in the bell jar |
[Sep. 7th, 2008|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked….I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” |
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| september 1st, 2008 |
[Sep. 1st, 2008|08:14 pm] |
i wrote you a letter but i never sent it.
you see, i see things no one else can.
this letter, it was so cruel with truth i don't think your existing world would survive after one sentence in.
so don't say i gave up. i saved you by relinquishing that letter to the flames. now the night air can know my secrets and whisper them back to me when the tears start to form.
you see, i see things no one else can.
and part of that magic is knowing who deserves these answers.
so as it may- pen to pad to ashes to eternity.
i did write that letter. but you see it spontaneously combusted. in the fire i threw it in. |
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| fuck me gently with a chainsaw |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|12:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. Its easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. There are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who BECOMES that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person that unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real- but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
-killing yourself to live |
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